"Operation Stupid is officially over!": A Disturbia Review

Disturbia (2007)

A teen living under house arrest becomes convinced his neighbor is a serial killer (IMDb).

St. Kunta the Pious: 5/10

This movie really sets the pace in the first few minutes with its amazing portrayal of the ancient art of fly fishing...

But honestly it did well with the next scene in which that car comes out of nowhere! I was honestly surprised.

But anyway you settle back into the lull of the movie soon after. And you are offered some comedic relief, mostly in the form of a kid who I could have sworn played a role in Tokyo Drift...

Did I just make an asian joke? Oh yea I did!

Anyway, he says a Spanish word that sounds like "kiss ass" a lot and anyone that knows me knows I have a deep love for Asians saying funny sounding words. But after the first few times it got really old...

And suddenly the main character decks his teacher because he is still sore about inadvertently killing his father in a car accident...

Insert more story, the kid gets a fancy ankle bracelets and the people watching starts. I am an avid people watcher myself so I can relate to escape from boredom. One thing though, those kids who screw with him, I definitely could have whooped there asses and gotten back to the house in time, just saying.

Then suddenly, the movie starts, introduce Ashley... And while your at it introduce blue balls, because this kid has 'em. And who could blame him, the movie went with the classic Girl Next Door, and during the movie (if you're as lonely as I am) you start wondering what if? What if you were Shia Labeouf? What does Ashley's hair smell like? Why am I so alone in this world...

Anyway the popups from there on are pretty much too predictable, me and the homies at After the Credits were calling 'em from a mile away, which was really disappointing to see in a thriller. I was only entertained by the thought that Shia's mom was totally ready to bang the creepy neighbor.

Actually that is a lie, there was a place in my heart for the party scene in which Shia retaliates to Ashley's party by blasting music and then at the end the two realize they both like each other and kiss... I don't know why I like that scene, it confounds me, but I did, so now that that's done I can move on with my life.

"I'm only looking at you." Good for you Shia, good for you... Because who I am kidding? If it were me I would've done the same thing, she just would have realized how creepy I am right after and left...

Anyway, some stuff doesn't happen and then there was the most I had been invested the entire movie when Ronnie was supposedly caught and dead. Man... I was honestly worried, because without his comedy this movie would have only been left to Ashley, and let's face it we are not watching her for her acting.

So, for my closing thoughts I have a few questions:

What the hell was the killer thinking? Did he honestly think he was gonna get away with all this, and for how long? How shitty must those cops have been at their job? How does Kale not have crippling Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from being stabbed, tied up, and falling into a water pit of dead bodies? Is Ashley really good enough in bed to make all this shit worth it? And lastly, if so, where can I get me some of that?

Kunta Out!

Rufio: 6.5/10

Despite my usual aversion to movies like this and its predictability, I still enjoyed Disturbia.

While some people do not like Shia LaBeuof as an actor, I do like him and many of his films. In Disturbia, he plays Kale, a troubled teen that is put on house arrest after assaulting his Spanish teacher. He tries to keep busy with little projects, such as a tower of Twinkies, but eventually becomes bored and begins spying on his neighbors. He is entranced by the newly arrived Ashley and suspicious of the mysterious Robert Turner.

Ronnie, Kale’s best friend, was an excellent character. He provided the necessary comic relief to counteract the more suspenseful scenes and also does the legwork for the investigation. Ashley, Kale’s love interest and a bit of a tease, is stunning and also becomes intrigued by their mysterious neighbor.

Robert Turner is terrifying. This includes his appearance and the way he goes after Kale. Once he realizes that Kale and his friends are on to him, he goes after all of them and Kale’s mother (and Trinity from The Matrix). His house might be the creepiest of all. He built a surgical room and a crypt of sorts to torture and store his victims.

My primary critique of this film was its predictability. For example, I knew that Kale’s father (Sean Penn) was going to die at the beginning and I knew that Turner was the bad guy when they first introduced him. But this did not detract from its enjoyability, and I look forward to watching more thrillers in the future.

Sam: 6/10

Like every other movie before, I had seen Disturbia prior to this review, and this is a movie where that really makes a difference. Since I already knew what was going to happen, there wasn’t much of a shock factor. However, I still enjoyed the movie. While it might not be a great critically acclaimed film, it was an entertaining movie, which is all I really want from a movie. Usually I like to make jokes about Shia LeBeouf, but I think this part was pretty perfect for him, and he did a good job pulling it off. One thing that keeps this from being rated higher was the lack of development of Robert Turner. I wish his character and backstory had been developed more, because all he really is a creepy neighbor throughout most of the movie. I don't know what they could do, but I feel like something was missing, something more needed to be done. Also, the movie was incredibly predictable, but since I had already seen it, that didn't really make a difference. Overall, I wouldn’t call this a “great film,” but it was an entertaining movie.

El Mapache Marylandino: 5.5/10

The movie starts off with a father and son fly fishing. Ok, not a bad start but then while driving home their car first gets flipped over and then the passenger side smashed by another car. The crash seemed malicious and I was expecting some sort of reference to this later on in the movie, but nothing. How could that second car not have seen a car flying through the air and at least slowed down if not stopped? I don’t know much about driving but I think I would know to slow down if there is a crash number 1 and number 2 a car flying through the air and landing upside down.

The title is clever and its subtle reference during the middle of the movie gives the viewer a hint as to why it is named the way it is. I appreciated that one of the opening scenes of the movie takes place in a Spanish class. Ronnie reciting his summer plans while saying quizas over and over again really set the movie in the right direction. In fact, the interactions between Ronnie and Kale are probably some of the best moments of the movie. Ronnie trying to pick the lock on Mr. Turner’s car while on the phone with Kale is probably the best scene of the movie.

Kale and Ashley are both trapped, Kale quite obviously under house arrest and Ashley feels trapped by the will of her parents moving from one place to the next. They bond over this and form a relationship that cannot be broken by some dude at her party. The music that Kale was blasting certainly helped to break up the party, though, and one minute there are nearly 30 people around and the next time they show the backyard nobody.

My biggest grievance with the movie is the ending. Kale has just discovered several dead bodies preserved in his neighbor’s house, swam in some disgusting water with the bodies, fought Mr. Turner, who by the way has kidnapped his mother, and eventually killed him. The next scene though he is doing just fine. Sure, it helps having a beautiful woman by his side but how could he not have suffered some psychological damage? I feel like I suffered more watching the movie than he did killing a guy.

Common Plebeian: 8.5/10

This is an exceptional, modern interpretation of Hitchcock’s legendary Rear Window. I’ll try my best not to compare the two directly, but I've clearly already failed at that.

Obvious highlights include Ashley. This girl is the real deal. She’s absolutely stunning in every scene and has a sense of adventure that makes the plot seriously enthralling (Coffee and donuts? Yes, please).

Kale’s mental struggle with the traumatic loss of his father makes him a fantastic protagonist. 

The audience is fiercely on his side in the battle in which he find’s himself. In the opening scene, the beautiful scenery juxtaposed with the horrific events that transpire reaches out and grabs the audience right by the heart. It’s extremely difficult for any viewer not to be an advocate of Kale.

The main element of this film with which I was unhappy was the role of Mr. Turner. The director’s treatment of this mysterious serial killer was very sloppy. I applaud directors who can evoke a sense of doubt and intended confusion in the audience. In this particular case however, there is never any doubt that this psychopath is guilty and insane. In my opinion, some of Turner’s choices and actions were illogical, but you can decide for yourselves. I think a more simplistic approach to this character would have been extremely beneficial. Behind all the thrill and craziness is an opportunity for the director to get in the audience’s head and make them question their original perceptions.

P.S. The ease with which Kale obtained blueprints of Mr. Turner’s house was disturbing (pun intended). What’s the deal with that?

Signed,

CP (БК)

Total: 31.5/50

Average: 6.3

"Inconceivable!?!": A Princess Bride Review

The Princess Bride (1987)

A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a beautiful princess, and yes, some kissing (as read by a kindly grandfather) (IMDb).

St. Kunta the Pious: 7/10

I am going to try my best not to let my nostalgia and love for this movie take me away to land of false high ratings… That being said, it’s going to be really hard since this is one of favorite movies of all time.

Quite literally my reaction when we were gonna watch this movie

And it is not like the movie doesn’t deserve this, because in many ways it is a great movie. I simply don’t want to talk up the movie with nothing but my own whimsy as substance.

This movie does something that really hurts any basis of criticism by attributing the story to a storybook. Not that it exempts the movie from being bad, but you can forego the necessary scrutiny of realism once you know the movie is based around a fantasy story. For some reason that works for me and if more movies dismissed reality like this early on I would probably have less qualms with them.

I just hate when things don't seem to fit together the right way

First of all, I want to point out just how damn charming this movie is. The dialogue, although delivered sometime in a fast-paced awkward fashion, is great to keep up with. You have a group of very charming actors who are speaking forward yet pleasant throughout the whole movie. One of our reviewers commented that this movie is “so quotable” I think it is because of the great way the dialogue plays out throughout the movie.

Not only this but you can imagine that they realized this and practiced dialogue throughout the delivering of the movie. The witty banter and remarks throughout the movie really keep you engaged. You see so many examples of jokes simply through delvery of lines, like the hilarious part where they go visit Miracle Max and every other thing that Billy Crystal says is a joke, and a good joke at that! Or when the wedding is going to start and you get the priest who pronounces love like “WUV.” The movie used this otherwise seemingly stupid delivery in a way that really gave benefit to the experience.

Another plus is the moral system in this movie. You have a group of character with a various mix of complex beliefs and morals which is refreshing. Inigo, for instance, is bent on revenge for his murdered father yet doesn’t believe that killing a girl is right. I feel like many movies these days don’t blur the line like this and go for strict dichotomies concerning morality, which is not realistic. This movie has a group of individuals who each will go to different extents to accomplish what they want to do; they may kill one person and leave another alive depending on the situation. No random killing for no reason and that is refreshing.

One of the only things that get me somewhat out of the movie is the huge emphasis on “True Love.” And I am not going to pretend like this is not because I am a bitter lonely person, that’s exactly why… “Death cannot stop true love,” no… just no… It also just seems to me like “True Love” was a scapegoat back in the day that writers used to simplify plot. I mean the man in black literally goes through hell for this chick that is pretty, I mean she’s really really pretty, but damn man this guy’s is going all out, he even dies, for this chick when she obviously wanted the D from the very beginning.

Who does she think she is kidding?

There are also some awkward moments with the dialogue that require some extra attention to pick up the gist of the conversation. Sometimes it seems like the acting is a bit lackluster and the lines are somewhat rushed. Which doesn't hinder the movie completely, but are problems nonetheless.

My favorite parts have to be the old hag, who gave me nightmares as a child, and every damn time Andre the Giant is on screen. The man is a legend and his role in this movie is just great as a humble giant. 

Rufio: 9/10

The Princess Bride is a classic romance, adventure, and comedy that I enjoy watching every time.

There are many great characters. Andre the Giant plays a gentle giant. Vizzini is the overconfident mastermind, who gets what’s coming to him. INCONCEIVABLE! The prince succeeds in being a pompous douche. The six-fingered man is sufficiently evil and conniving. The albino in the Pit of Despair is creepy.

In my opinion, the best character is Inigo Montoya, a master swordsman, who just wants to avenge his father. He did not forgive and he definitely did not forget. He combats struggles with alcohol and self-doubt and succeeds to slay his father's murderer. Also, watching now I realized that he looked very familiar, until j realized that be was Gideon in Criminal Minds. I always enjoy seeing familiar actors in their early roles. Westley is a close second as the farmboy turned master swordsman and pirate, who wants to be reunited with his true love. The scene in which these two fight is epic. They fight to a near standstill with both their off and natural hands, while exchanging witty banter.

The Princess Bride is an extremely quotable movie:

· "Get used to disappointment"
· "You put down your rock, I put down my sword and we both try to kill each other like civilized people"
· "Death cannot stop true love"
· "I'm not the Dread Pirate Roberts, my name is Ryan"
· "It would take a miracle"
· "To the pain"

are just a few. But without a shadow of a doubt, the absolute best line is "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die." Inigo repeats it over and over again, getting into the six-fingered man’s head as he kills him. It was sweet.

Sam: 6/10

Like The Goonies, I had only seen the Princess Bride once before, and don't really hold any great nostalgia for it. But I liked this much better than the Goonies. One of the things that makes the Princess Bride good is the fact that it is so quotable: “No more rhymes now, I mean it.  Anybody want a peanut?” “Inconceivable” “Mawage, Mawage is wat bwings us togeder” and the like. I also really liked how the movie was set up, with the story within the story, it was a nice way to mix things up. Now with all this being said, I was falling asleep during the movie, and had trouble staying awake, so this may affect my review, or maybe it was my brain’s way of telling me it was boring, but I think not. Overall, I liked it, but its not really near the top of my list of favorite movies.

El Mapache Marylandino: 7/10

The merits of this movie come not in the plot which is ordinary and at times slow but in the conversation and interaction between characters in the movie. Most of these involve the Dread Pirate Roberts and the three henchmen Vizzini, Fezzik, and Inigo Montoya. Both Montoya and Fezzik show great sportsmanship as they allow the Dread Pirate a chance to catch his breath and engage in a fight that offers each man a fair chance. No doubt I was routing for DPR but Fezzik should not have lost that battle of strength.

The interactions between grandfather and grandson, although few, added to the overall development of the plot. Most can certainly relate to being told a story by either our parents or grandparents as we interject our opinions or commentary.

This movie is one of the most quotable ones that I have come across. I realize now that many references and quotes that I have heard come from this movie. From something as simple as the shoutings of “Inconceivable” to Wesley’s comment to Humperdink “You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.” the movie is rich with hilarious and unpredictable interactions.

They could have selected a better name for the princess than Buttercup. I mean certainly she builds Wesley up only to let him down when she messes around and lets him go without saying how she feels. He has to know, though, that she won’t build him up only to break his heart even if her name weren't Buttercup. 

Common Plebeian: 6.5/10

The main word I have for this movie is boring. Even the action scenes were kind of flat. Only the last ¼ of the movie was somewhat exciting.

Note on the beginning: Any farm boy who is even remotely close to doing his job properly, would not have perfect hair. That is all.

Issues with Buttercup:

This isn’t the Powerpuff Girls (but maybe it should have been, because Buttercup was a badass; this Buttercup is consistently dull) and she isn’t a pet cat, so the name is stupid. Next, she is useless, from the opening scene on. She is just boring and helpless (the only exception- her jumping off the boat to swim away unsuccessfully). Yes, this is the quintessential cookie-cutter role of a princess in distress, but it is boring. Of course she has a purpose, but what interest and dynamic does she bring to the table? Westley seems to be the only one driven to take action in response to this true love. This is a very one-sided tale of true love if you ask me.

My list of pros is concise, yet substantial. The characters of The Princess Bride are quite relatable. Everyone has something/someone that lights his/her inner fire and everyone (besides the lackluster Buttercup) goes to the moon and back in his/her quest.

The best element of this film is the witty humor. The Monty-Python-esque banter is top notch and all movies can use this one as a standard. It works into the storyline seamlessly and I probably need to watch the movie many more times before catching everything.

My favorite characters were Inigo Montoya, Vizzini, and Miracle Max. Inigo Montoya demonstrates the inner fire that far too many people (like Buttercup) lack in this world. Vizzini exhibits hilarious frustrations that remind me of George Costanza. Finally, every word Miracle Max utters is packed with wit, humor, and sarcasm, making him one of the most likeable characters in the film. If only the main characters could be as interesting and animated. Even Westley was pretty plain and lifeless.

-CP (БК)

Total: 35.5/50

Average: 7.1

"We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.": A Truman Show Review

The Truman Show (1998)

An insurance salesman/adjuster discovers his entire life is actually a TV show (IMDb).

St. Kunta the Pious: 6.5/10

The Truman show is an interesting movie that seemed to me like a criticism of TV consumerism, human predictability, and people with god complexes named Cristof… At least that is how I saw it, and in this light, the movie does an alright job.

I found myself really thinking critically how people slave over the television and feel that this movie has a specific significance now with the huge rise in “reality TV” shows that are all the rage nowadays. And you can see parallels between the awkward commercial advertisements that they force into camera on the Truman Show and the ridiculous amount of endorsement that people who are on TV get. Any movie that gets me thinking is a welcome treat.

Despite that plus, I feel that the movie could have been so much better. The maker(s) of the movie ended up taking a direction that I don’t necessarily think really explored the conflicts and troubles that I thought it was trying to critique.

For instance, the inclusion of so many diffusing moments in the movie hinders it greatly. I refuse to believe that all the mishaps and malfunctioning happened in that last bit of time that the movie took place when the damn place had been running since Truman was a boy. The falling of that mechanical light from the sky, the secret set behind the elevator, and stuff like the same people passing by on rotation really make me believe this operation was pretty shitty. I mean if you are tracking the guys with your ~5,000 cameras (which seems way too small a number) how can you screw up that bad with the elevator?

How I feel this place would really end up...

Part of my disbelief also stems from the casting of Jim Carrey as the lead role, and don’t get me wrong I love me some Jim Carrey. Despite that I feel like any role you play Jim Carrey in is going to be overshadowed by his typecast, as was the case here for me. Carrey’s goofy attitude and extremely dramatic way of expression leaks into the movie through his character and really downplays the dramatic effects for most of the movie.

But I guess who doesn't like watching Goofy shit?

I think a more serious tone and actor would have made this movie a drama gem. But it’s already made so despite my problems with moments such as his ecstatic dancing in the column of rain instead of honestly freaking the hell out like any normal person, the obvious guilt trips throughout the movie employed by the actors that would have driven any other man into insanity and murder, or one of Truman’s epiphanies coming only after he realized his wife crossed her fingers during their wedding… I will have to deal with it.

Suspension of disbelief is the audiences’ job after all, so maybe I just have to try harder. I do like to think what exactly would happen if a world like this actually existed… I mean the wife is literally a prostitute who has a reciprocating hateful relationship with the man she has to spend her days with by contract (think about her issues)… Imagine if they had a baby? That would be tragic…

And everyone in this big tumor of a dome must have complexes from faking much of their lives and if they don’t the chick who got cut in the doctor’s office definitely does… Hope her benefits cover that… And I don’t care how much money you get from advertisements, it must take tax money or something to maintain that huge nipple from collapsing in on itself, especially after decades.

I’m waiting for the remake where he snaps and starts murdering people like I Imagine this would really work out.

Rufio: 9/10

The Truman Show is a great movie. Jim Carey is an excellent actor, best know for his comedies, but my favorite performances of his were in this and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Meryl was the worst, the absolute worst. I mean she never had a chance once Truman saw Sylvia, who is beautiful by the way, but she still did not need to be such a bitch. Her countless, ad pitches were annoying and I’m glad Truman called her on her BS.

Getting into the morals of having a child from birth as the unbeknownst to him star of a reality show, it obviously would not fly. I would be one of the people trying to rescue him, though I would have to think of a particularly creative way to get in. Christof talks about how it's so great in his made up world as Truman would not feel any fear. But if you aren't scared you are not challenging yourself properly. I would rather live in the real world where I may feel pain or fear but I have the chance to actually live.

"Good morning, and in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and good night."

Sam: 8/10

I had watched The Truman Show before and liked it, but this time I really enjoyed it. It was nice to see Jim Carey in a role that isn’t simply slapstick humor (though there’s nothing wrong with that), and be able to pull it off. I really enjoyed the not so subtle product placement. I really liked how the movie was set up, so that we learned more about his story when as the movie goes on. I thought it was also very important how Christof explained the story to his TV viewers (and us as viewers of the movie). He left very few loose ends. There are a few loose ends that I can think of and a few questions, but they don't detract from my enjoyment of the movie, in fact they may add to it. Overall, I think the commitment to the show in the movie is excellent (Noah Emmerich as Louis Coltrane as Marlon), and really draws the audience in. I think this is the kind of movie that will just get better every time you watch it.

El Mapache Marylandino: 9.5/10

I had never seen or even heard of The Truman Show before tonight, but I can now say that this movie has quickly jumped close to the top of my list. I am intrigued by the concept of a man whose every interaction is scripted and broadcasted. From a young age he is not even allowed to experience the natural workings of the world because he is trapped under the bubble of a television set. Weather and day are decided upon by a production team. If it weren’t for some of the mistakes of this production team Truman might not have ever known he was just part of an experiment.

What is the role of the actors that are part of Truman’s life? Should they just carry on their jobs knowing that every day they are lying to this man? For most yes, but for others there was a sense of responsibility. His father on the show actually raised him and was with him through some of the most important events of his childhood. He, unlike the mother, felt love and compassion for a true son that could not be taken away with a fake drowning incident.

Some of the most interesting parts of the movie, though, come not from the reactions of Truman. They are the true emotions of the actors who begin to experience life for real. These actors who invest their whole lives to carrying on a lie are the ones that ought to be pitied. Not the experimented but the experimenters. In some instances they begin to experience the real world. The most telling example of this real emotion is when Truman is with his wife Meryl in the car and later at the home. She begins to experience true fear because she does not know what is going to happen next. The producer has calculated every move for her, but this unexpected and unpredictable event has left her shocked and scared.

Common Plebeian: 6/10

As a fan of Jim Carey, I thoroughly enjoyed this film. This is one of the Carey films I have not seen. Before discussing the pros, let us take a look at some of the technical issues.

There is a major time issue that is notably distracting. They explicitly state that The Truman Show airs in real-time and runs 24/7. Given that at any moment, half the real world is asleep and half is awake, there is no way for everyone to keep up with the show. As this blog’s Asian liaison I take particular issue when they show the reaction of a Japanese family watching the Truman show in addition to old ladies and the bar, which I can only guess are in North America. In summary, The Truman Show timeline could never line up with the real-world’s timeline in such a way that the entire world is on the same page. Half of the world would always be watching him sleep. On a similar note, there is always a significant portion of dead time, meaning times when Truman is not doing anything that the viewers would find remotely interesting; to name a few: bathroom breaks, sleeping, reading, cleaning, working, etc. Go ahead, count how many moments there are in your daily life that you would personally find interesting as a TV viewer. I mean my life is awesome, so don’t go by me. Still, for the average commoner (some might even say plebeian), there is an abundance of dead time; look at right now for example, you are reading a blog. That is not good TV if your life is a sitcom.

Still on critiques but shifting gears, I (and I’m sure plenty of you) find it very hard to believe that Truman makes it ~30 years without discovering anything about this conspiracy and all of a sudden, the sky literally starts falling. Things fall into place remarkably quickly. A possible alternative would be having Truman slowly accrue information throughout the years and then make a daring escape. Note: They might allude to this scenario when we discover that Truman was faking (or overcame) his fear of water. Nevertheless, this idea is never fully fleshed out.

Digging deeper, I feel no connection with any character in this film. True, most of them are actors representing fake personalities. But even the characters of substance are superficial. Sylvia and Christof are in this battle over the ridiculous show. Aside from their phone confrontation (which alludes to their history of arguments) and the excessive amount of posters in Sylvia’s apartment, this argument is virtually absent. This is the emotional climax of this movie’s message and it gets less than five minutes. This is particularly tragic since this is where the deepest theme of this movie lies; how far is too far when pleasing the public? Is one life an acceptable sacrifice for providing the world with an outlet for hope? (Although the show is so popular, we learn just how insignificant it is when we see the Garage Attendants nonchalantly change the channel after The Truman Show ends; so how much hope does it really bring to the real world? I don’t know.) There are also allusions to how horrible the real world has become, but this idea is also muddled since we get no perspective of the real world. The only feeling we get for the real world is that all of them watch The Truman Show. Yes, this could be their escape from their terrible societies, but we can only guess about what it is like there. I side with both of these commentaries on society, but no personal struggles captured my heart. The only moral struggles I felt came from lying to Truman. We could sometimes feel the inner conflict of Truman’s best friend, Marlon, but he is fundamentally an actor and does his job.

The overarching messages are there, but are not fleshed out enough. Other personal struggles were not relatable, as they merely pertained to the ridiculousness of Seahaven.

Sorry, I didn’t plan for that to be so in depth but I hope you appreciate the thoughts. Let’s move on to the pros.

My favorite joke is when Truman expresses his desire to become an explorer and his teacher tell his that it is too late and that there is nothing left to explore. I also thoroughly enjoyed the product placement and commercials weaved into the show.

I loved Sylvia’s eyes; they are a nice motif worked into Truman’s morning routine. The flashbacks are also heart wrenching due in part to those captivating eyes.

The ending is fantastic. It is a little predictable, but concise, funny, and well executed.

Finally, Jim Carey is a fantastic, diverse actor. I’m pretty familiar with his comedies and this was a refreshing view of his dramatic side with some of his comedic touches thrown in.

Like I mentioned before, the value of this movie is definitely present, but as you can see from the length of the pro section, it only scratches the surface.

-CP (БК)

Total: 39/50

Average: 7.8/10

"Hey, You Guys!!!": A Goonies Review

The Goonies (1985)

A group of kids embark on a wild adventure after finding a pirate treasure map (IMDb)

St. Kunta the Pious: 6/10 Without Nostalgia

Alright, despite this being one of my favorite childhood movies I feel like I would not be doing the movie any good by babying it. You guys shouldn’t be worried though, I am only bringing up crap you all have probably noticed already. I mean, what is not to love about some spastic kids on an epic adventure to save their shitty neighborhood. And they win your heart over right at the beginning of the movie with their hijinks that include but are not limited to repairing a statue’s broken penis… The whole movie is a penis joke anyway… One-eyed willy… come on now…

But when you started of the first half an hour with the truffle shuffle, you’re doing it right, because let’s be honest… everyone loves the fat kid…

The rest of the stereotypes were just as refreshing; like the Spanish speaking housemaid, Rosalita whose status as an American citizen is yet to be confirmed… And quickly, before I get to the rest of the stuff, I got say that if she were really a Hispanic she would have taken the rubies and shit at the end of the movie and bought herself a green card.

The movie’s believability is called to question throughout any viewing. Everyone is getting tricked by these little white kids and their token Asian friend, there is a sped in the basement whose can only be tamed through a mutual love for food he shares with the fatty, and the most notable adventurer in the movie is killed by a rock not even half of the distance the kids got. I mean… he must have been the shittiest adventurer ever… But not as shitty as the kid who didn't read the god damn dynamite till the last minutes of the movie!

Well, as Samwise Gamgi and his crew of misfits make their way through various “booby twaps” it gets pretty obvious to anyone who is critical that the best actor award for this film is by far the stiff in the ice cream freezer. I mean how many time can you pretend to be an ignorant little shit who trips the same trap over and over again. The movie did inspire me to become a piano once I die though… Was anyone else skeeved out that the chick was totally coming on to both brothers?!?

 -St. Kunta the Pious

Rufio: 8/10

The Goonies was one of my favorite childhood movies, as I’m sure it is many of yours. I fondly recall exploring the woods behind my house with my group of close friends pretending we were on a treasure hunt of our own. Watching it again was a treat. It’s great seeing a young Samwise Gamgee trying to save his house, before he embarks on another epic quest.

Shoutout to Data, definitely the best character, and all of the gadgets in the movie for being so sweet, especially the boxing glove and slick shoes.

There were a few weaknesses, such as the corniness at the end (you were my greatest invention), but I am willing to overlook those. I’m a sucker for a good adventure.

The Goonies never say die!!

Sam: 3/10 

Unlike some others, I had only seen The Goonies a couple of time in my childhood, and therefore, I don't really have any sort of nostalgia to get in the way. So, with that being said, I didn't really like it, I can't say exactly why, but I wasn't a huge fan. Also, I'm a little confused as to who the target audience is. It seems to be a bit confusing and mature for young kids, and too immature for adults and teenagers. So, to me at least, it seems like only a very small age group could get real enjoyment from the movie. But hey, thats just me. Maybe its just because I never watched it when I was in this age group, but I'm not a big fan. But, I can see how someone who watched it a lot as a child could really enjoy it.

El Mapache Marylandino: 6/10

Hola a mis ciudadanos del cine.

I give The Goonies a 6 out of 10. Favorite character is a battle between the Spanish speaking
Mouth and the genius Data. Mouth is integral to the development of the movie as he translates
the maps and clues of the Spanish One-eyed Willie. His translation is not without comedic relief
when he helps Ms. Walsh help explain to Rosalita how to sort the drugs. Data is
a young Inspector Gadget and a genius of his own time. Always ready with oil slick Nike shoes
and a boxing glove coming out of nowhere.

My problems with the movie come first from the character of Stef. Really, what is she offering?
No, we can’t take those quarters and half dollars they are people’s wishes. Come on, Stef, what
don’t you understand about trying to save the foreclosure of a house. We need as many quarters
as we can get. So get off your high horse and start filling up your purse with some quarters.

Secondly, the timing of the movie certainly leaves flaws. In the beginning of the movie the kids
are playing in the morning and in the afternoon they go on a search to find the treasure. Later
that night Chunk escapes and it is pitch black out. Then, when the kids finally escape from
the dungeon it is day time and the last scene of the movie sees the pirate ship setting sail into
the sunset. Are you trying to tell me that those kids were awake for two straight days? Either
those kids took a nap in that cave, traveled through some sort of time warp, or something is up.
I struggled watching this movie into 1:00 am. Those kids stayed up way past their bed time, but
somehow they are doing just fine.

Common Plebeian: 8.5/10

Эй Вы Ребята,

The Goonies will always be a timeless classic capturing the mystery and wonder of

childhood adventures and friendship. It is easy for any viewer to relate to Mikey, a flawed, yet

ambitious kid with a goofy troupe of friends.

Particular highlights include the Truffle-Shuffle and Rube-Goldberg contraption outside

of Mikey’s house, Mouth’s translations to Rosalita, Chunk’s blender confessions, and the

unbelievable waterslide leading to One-Eyed Willy’s ship. This movie has plenty more to offer,

but these are just the high points that come to mind right now.

The only opportunity that the director might have missed was the chance to make the

chase more suspenseful. The Fratellis occasionally drifted into a role similar to the Three

Stooges (who doesn’t love the Three Stooges?). Still, their initial, threatening demeanor will get

the audience’s blood pumping. But their antics get a little distracting at times and the excitement

and thrill of the chase suffers.

With that said, the movie is still just about perfect weaving complex themes concerning

greed, childhood dreams, among others into an exciting adventure. Director Richard Donner

reminds the audience that coming-of-age does not necessarily imply a solitary journey.

Signed,

Common Plebeian (Большая Кошка)

Total: 31.5/50

Average: 6.3/10